Is your husband cheating on you?
A husband cheating on his wife is one of the most common challenges of contemporary marriage. Keeping a marriage on track can sometimes be hard-work, and dealing with a cheating husband further complicates it.
Boys will be boys. That’s what we’ve always heard but that’s really not a valid excuse for a husband cheating on his wife. Right?
Unfortunately when it comes to husband cheating on his wife, shaming rarely works. I mean which man won’t cheat just because it is shameful to do so?
Yes, some cheating husband may have a rethink if the prospect of being caught and shamed is high enough. But still, a cheating husband would still cheat and hope not to get caught. And when they get caught they rationalize their actions and seek to cast the blame on others.
And then there is a biological argument that men cheat as a natural imperative -a carryover from earlier days of human evolution that required planting of one’s seed in as many places as possible.
Men who don’t cheat on their wives, simply don’t cheat. They do so as part of their individual nature or inner consciousness. They do so for reasons of self-taught morality.
Few men however may have sociocultural or psychological reasons for cheating, but that won’t be discussed here.
What we shall examine are men who sneak around; husbands who would cheat if the opportunity presents itself, and the prospect of being caught is remote.
The problem with discovering that your husband is cheating is that it’s a slippery slope and it’s also fraught with a lot of serious questions, including:
~ What should you do?
~ Who can you talk to about it?
~ Are you the last to know?
~ Can you forgive him?
~ Can your marriage be saved?
~ Is it a one-time thing or multiple affairs?
Common Cheating Husband Signs
There’s not a woman alive who wants to think that her husband is cheating. However, if you suspect that he might be a cheater, here are a few common signs for you to watch for:
1. No Interest in Intimacy-
Although this is not necessarily one of the classic signs of infidelity, it can be an indicator.
It’s important to remember, however, that some husbands keep enjoying sexual relations with their wives in addition to their secret lovers.
But, in the event that he simply doesn’t touch you anymore, that’s a pretty good sign he could be cheating.
2. A History of Deception-
Has he been caught cheating, flirting, or lying in the past?
He could be doing it again. Be on the lookout for inaccuracies and possible fabrications.
3. Anonymous Phone Calls-
Prior to the invention of caller ID, the other woman called someone else’s husband, hanging up when the wife would answer.
Make no mistake about it, though, these days the other woman can block her caller ID.
If you’re suspicious, discreetly checking hubby’s cell phone for calls, both incoming and outgoing, could give you a clue about who he communicates with.
4. Sharp-Dressed Man-
It’s not just a ZZ-Top hit song. If your man is paying way more attention to how he looks than usual, he’s probably out to impress somebody special and you can bet it’s not his male friends.
5. Unexplained Absences-
Being away from home a lot more frequently without any reasonable explanation could be a sign of infidelity.
6. Cheating Signs-
Phone numbers on scraps of paper found in his pocket, perfume on his shirt, or a lipstick smear on his collar, found when you’re doing the laundry, could be signs that he’s up to no good.
7. Third Party Clues-
In some cases, a cheating husband could be outed by a co-worker, friend, or neighbor. Be sure to check it out first, however, before acting. It could be a misinterpretation or even outright sabotage.
If any of the above sounds way too familiar, take a deep breath and do the only logical thing that you can do. Sit your husband down and simply ask him to be straight with you.
Make sure that nobody else is around and then ask him in a low-key manner.
Although you might have a tendency toward yelling, as well as being accusing and overly confrontational, as Patrick Swayze said in the hit movie, Roadhouse, “Be nice”.
You should be giving him the benefit of the doubt no matter what. Let him explain himself and,…..be nice.
He could turn out to be like many cheating husbands, admit it, and promise never to cheat again. If he does and he keeps his promise, then you should probably consider forgiving him.
Nobody’s perfect and this could be a good opportunity for you both to explore your deeper feelings and why this problem reared its ugly head in the first place.
If you suspect that your marriage could be in real trouble, couples’ therapy could be a Godsend.
“Your Lyin’ Eyes are Deceiving You”
Now, if he tries to lie his way out of it, then you may need to discreetly start checking out his explanations and alibis just to get at the truth.
To clarify things you might have to contact the alleged other woman in the event that you know who she is.
If you discern that, yes, he is indeed cheating, then it’s back to the old drawing board.
Try another sit-down but, this time, let him know that lying won’t help and will just make things worse.
OK, at this point, perhaps being nice isn’t going to work.
So, firmly convincing him to get counseling may be your best solution.
Don’t Give Up!
Husband cheating is a frontal attack on the integrity of a marriage. It can be very hurtful and if mismanaged can lead to dissolution of an otherwise happy marriage. However, don’t let a knee-jerk reaction like leaving your husband of umpteen years derail an otherwise good marriage. The reason people divorce as a result of infidelity has more to do with ego than real sense of loss. And humans have become more egotistical with evolution.
Not to say that an assault of one’s ego is not enough genuine hurt, but it is more mature and rounded to keep a broad view of the entirety of the relationship.
Such broad view would recall not just the unpleasant things like the cheating acts, but also pleasant memories, shared deep connections, children produced by the marriage, and friends and relations who would miss the couple. Such recollections also alleviates the hurt and provides an incentive for forgiveness.
Naturally, if it’s been miserable, he’s a serial liar, cheater, or God forbid, he’s abusive, it might not be worth saving.
But, in many cases, none of these have occurred and one slip could be all that it was.
Staying together and working on better communication and an overall more solid relationship is always the best course of action.
You obviously loved each other enough to get married in the first place, so try to get that feeling back even if couple’s therapy is necessary to do so.
A good marriage is hard to find so don’t throw it away.