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How to get a husband in the 21st century -how to prepare for a husband

Joy Irish

Most women grow up preparing for that special day, the day when they get to walk down the aisle in front of their closest family and friends and pledge their undying loyalty to the man of their dreams. But for some women, preparing for marriage is a difficult concept.

While marriage is the dream for most people, there is no reason why anyone should ever have to settle for anything less than what they truly want. It is important to be prepared for marriage and it is also important to get the man that you want. After all, these are lifelong vows we’re talking about here.

Fortunately, there are a number of ways to prepare for marriage and get the man that you want at the same time. Let’s take a closer look at the following tips, so that you can boost your marriage readiness and choose the right partner when it is finally time to take that fateful walk down the aisle.

1. Focus On Yourself

The last thing that any man wants is a woman who is immediately going to make him the center of her entire universe. The first step towards attracting the right man and making yourself more desirable for marriage is to train your focus on yourself and your own needs. This can mean anything from learning how to be happy on your own to furthering your education.

After all, no self respecting woman should ever marry a man because she feels as if she has to. When a woman has an excessive amount of focus on finding the perfect husband, men can tell. If a man senses that the only acceptable outcome for spending time with you is a marriage, this will make him run for the hills in very short order.

That’s why it is important to learn how to enjoy your company and make sure that your life is exactly the way you want it before pursuing the idea of a husband. No one wants to meet someone and be responsible for their happiness and women who focus on themselves have no problem attracting men, no matter what your mother or grandmother might have to say on the matter.

Happiness begets happiness. So if you regularly find yourself lonesome and you are in search of a man to alleviate these sad feelings, you are taking the wrong approach. Take this energy and pour it into yourself, so that you are not left looking for someone else to fill the void inside of you.

2. Lower Your Standards

While no one is saying that you need to throw caution to the wind and elope with a fry cook in order to find true happiness, there is something to be said for relaxing your standards just a tad. There are a lot of women out there who are essentially choosing to be alone forever, because they have set their standards unreasonably high, under the guise of “refusing to settle”.

Even a man who meets your standards is not going to find them attractive, so why not take a moment to put yourself in the shoes of the opposite sex? If you met a man who spent the majority of your dates talking about his standards and what women needed to do to earn his approval, you would probably find this mentality to be quite a turn off, wouldn’t you?

Sure, it would be nice to meet a man who is tall, dark, handsome, rich, athletic and a good dancer. But guess what? These men make a very, very small portion of the general population and the ones who fit all of those categories are well aware of that fact. They are not always going to be marriage minded and since they have their pick of any woman they desire, can you really blame them?

Take the time to appreciate the men who you encounter for who they are, as opposed to trying to fit them into a neat little box. Maybe you’re taller than him once you put your heels on or perhaps he’s not the best dancer. However, this does not mean that you should make every man who comes into your life adhere to every standard. You may need to budge just a little to find the husband of your dreams.

3. Get In Shape

There comes a time in everyone’s life where it stops being easy to stay in shape. The late night cheeseburgers that didn’t put a dent in our physiques in our late teens and early twenties now head straight to our thighs and those of us who are not willing to take responsibility for our actions continue to shovel in the junk food and blame men for not wanting us.

Humans tend to get heavier as they age and when a woman enters a relationship already out of shape, a man does not see this trait as being cute or endearing. Instead, he wonders to himself how much bigger she will get. While it is all the rage today to call yourself a BBW (aka big beautiful woman) or thick, no man is looking for a woman who dwarfs him in size. Some are, but this tends to be the exception and not the rule.

Being superficial is uncool, but so is expecting someone to swallow their true feelings and tolerate a complete inattention to detail. We all dream of finding someone who can be our best friend, someone who will love us no matter what happens. This does not mean that any potential suitor has to accept you at any size that you see fit.

Don’t look at getting into decent shape as a brutal chore, look at it as a way to maximize your chances of attracting the right man for you. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with a Buddha bellied man who goes out in sweatpants? If the answer is no (and it probably is), then you will want to practice what you are preaching and make positive changes in your life.

4. Attain Financial Independence

Here’s a dirty secret about men: they do not mind spending money on a wife or girlfriend at all. What they do mind is the idea that it is a necessary requirement. Men do not want to marry a woman who is hell bent on the idea of being supported financially and the idea of losing everything in a potential divorce because their wife has no interest in taking care of herself is not appealing either.

Men like to do nice things for their wives because they want to, not because they feel as if they have to. When a woman can pick up a check on a date (or at least reach for the check with the honest intention of paying), this makes a world of difference to all of the men out there. If you had to spend money on someone in order to get them to like you, this would make you want to spend time with someone else, wouldn’t it?

Yet there are so many women who allow themselves to become trapped in the old school “my husband has to be able to support me” mindset. There is no reason why you can’t learn to become financially independent, so that whatever a man can provide is merely icing on the cake, as opposed to the entire meal.

Men are strongly attracted to independent women and who wouldn’t be? There is just something about a woman who has her own life together that makes a man want to be a part of it that much more. If a man is immediately made to feel like he is someone’s financial lifeline, this is a highly unattractive trait that will make him continue his search elsewhere.

5. Don’t Tie Yourself Down

It’s a new day and a new day calls for a new approach to the dating game. The good old days of talking to one person at a time and trying to build a relationship with them on an exclusive basis are over and women who want to prepare themselves for marriage should try to date and speak with as many men as possible.

There is a major difference between conversing with more than one man at a time and sleeping with multiple suitors. Talking to more than one man at a time is not rude or uncouth, it is merely the best way to go about the task of weeding out the bad apples and finding the person who is right for you.

How else is a person supposed to learn what they like? Going on multiple dates gives you a much better idea of what you are truly looking for, instead of putting all of your eggs into one basket. In a world where we have unprecedented access to one another, the idea of not taking advantage of these opportunities seems almost criminal.

Women who try to become exclusive immediately tend to struggle a lot more than their more open minded counterparts. If you would like to avoid being the “what are we and where is this going?” woman, don’t hitch your wagon to one man in particular until you’ve spent enough time with him to know that he is better than the rest.

6. Respect His Time

Somewhere along the way, the idea that a woman should make a man wait hours and hours for her to get ready and be on time became prevalent. This is yet another example of people allowing themselves to become infatuated with romantic ideals that are portrayed on television and in movies, instead of stopping to consider the real world implications of our actions.

There is a fine line between avoiding looking desperate and being flat out disrespectful of a person’s time and effort. Don’t listen to your single girlfriends who tell you to ignore his calls and texts and respond to them when you’re good and ready to. While we are all busy people, we also make time for the things that we want to make time for and when you make a man wait for you every time you talk or spend time together, it can make him feel as if his thoughts and feelings don’t matter to you.

If you are fortunate enough to attract the interest of a worthy suitor, don’t play games with his time or his feelings. You may think that it is cute to make him wait two hours for a response to his text message, but in reality, you are showing him why he should not allow himself to feel anything for you.

Men see women who make them wait as being disrespectful and rude and this trait is the furthest thing from adorable. Your high school boyfriend may have told you that he didn’t mind waiting 45 minutes for you to finish getting ready, but he was also 18 years old and had zero life experience. Grown ups, on the other hand, respect each other’s time and don’t waste it purposefully.

7. Leave Your Friends and Family Out Of It

A man wants to feel as if he is dating you and when you prioritize the approval of your friends and family, this can make him feel as if he has to date everyone else in your life, too. This is an awful lot of pressure to heap onto person and it is not fair.

Canvassing your friends and family for approval is one thing, but forcing a prospective husband to live up to their standards is quite another. At the end of the day, the only person who will be crawling into bed next to you is your husband and the opinions of everyone else in your life are essentially moot.

Unless you are willing to turn the tables and submit yourself for the approval of his mother and his buddies, don’t place him in a position where he is left consistently having to impress everyone else in your life on a regular basis.

In most instances, the friends and family members whose approval you are seeking do not care in the slightest about yours. They will choose the mate that is best for them regardless of your opinion on the matter (as well they should). Within reason, it is best to keep the opinions of others out of your relationships.

8. Be Trusting

Both sexes struggle with this concept, as some of us believe that the hurt we’ve experienced in the past entitles us to become clingy, selfish and demanding. There are few things in this world that are more unattractive than a distrustful wife or date and if you have baggage from your past that keeps us from being trusting, this is not your boyfriend or husband’s problem to deal with.

Telling someone that you have “trust issues” or “need to know what they are up to” often serve as massive red flags that make an otherwise suitable suitor take off running in the opposite direction. Maybe you were cheated on in the past and perhaps you’ve been lied to before, but neither of these occurrences is a good excuse to act in a distrustful way.

There is no foolproof way to avoid being hurt. You can be as careful and as cautious as you like and hurt will still find a way to cross any barrier that you put up. Getting hurt is a simply a part of dating and all you can do is pick yourself and dust yourself off.

Making a new beau climb over walls that you’ve built because of bad experiences in the past is not fair and if you’ve ever had to nurture a relationship with a man with trust issues, then you know this all too well. Don’t trust implicitly, but be open to the idea.

9. Don’t Play The Comparison Game

A lot of women struggle to make themselves attractive for marriage because they have an ex who has become the standard by which all men are measured. Whether it is because he had a great job, the perfect physique, or always knew the right thing to say, there are plenty of women who allow themselves to compare every new man in their life to this person.

However, putting an ex on a pedestal and making everyone else live up to them is a great way to guarantee that you will never find someone that good again. No one wants to feel as if they are chasing some ghost from your past.

What if he sat around and talked about his phenomenal ex all day, the one with the washboard abs, perfect curves and a smile that could melt the sun? Chances are you would probably get sick of the constant chatter and tell him to go back to her if that’s how he really felt.

Well, this is exactly how you sound when you talk about your ex. Sharing stories of past relationships is just fine during the early stages of courtship, but once you’ve embarked on a new relationship, it is best to leave the past in the past.

10. Maintain His Interest

If you come into a relationship in shape, witty, engaging and fun to be around, then this is what you will need to maintain in order to keep his interest. There is nothing cute about “letting yourself go” or acting in a rude manner once you feel as though you’ve obtained the man you want.

To keep his interest, you’ll need to do all of the same things that caught it in the first place. A marriage is a lifelong partnership, one that can be severed at any moment in time. Divorces do not happen because people love the process so much, they happen when people grow apart, instead of growing together.

Anything that is worth having is worth working for. Conversely, anything that you work to obtain? You will need to work twice as hard to keep it. Relationships are not magical fairy tales and there will be days when you test each other’s patience.

Those who are willing to stick it out over the long haul are the ones who will work on maintaining your interest and to ensure a long term, healthy relationship, you’ll need to work at it, too.

While marriage is the goal for just about any sane person (male or female), there are certain strategies that can be deployed to make a woman more attractive to a marriage minded suitor. By applying the aforementioned advice to your daily existence, you can significantly increase your chances of finding the man who is right for you.

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