Love and Marriage

Sex: Should women marry men half their age instead?

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Young man, older wife
Young man dances with his older wife

Factors That Influence Marriage

Among the many factors that influence marriage, sex ranks somewhere at the very top. Couples and marriage support institutions do not always acknowledge this truth. Sex is “dirty” and people just can’t seem to muster the nerves to talk frankly about it. What is evident though is that more women are divorcing their husbands. They do so for reasons even the women themselves cannot explain, at least not with a straight face.

According to the American Sociological Association  women initiate divorce a whopping 69% of the time; while men initiate it only 31% of the time. The statistics also indicate that college educated women initiated divorce 90% of the time compared to their non-college educated counterparts. Divorcemag magazine believes that the main reason for this statistics is the belief that women did more of the house chores such as cooking, cleaning and taking care of children. For women, once they get to the stage of thinking about divorce, it is almost too late to save the marriage. The resentment built within the marriage would have reached insurmountable levels, for her. It also found that in childless marriages, the divorce initialization rates are almost evenly distributed between men and women.

Young man proposes to his older bride
Young man proposes to older woman

Deeper Levels

Young man kisses his older wife
Young man kisses his older wife

But, to understand such things on a deeper level, it is necessary to take a closer look, particularly in the direction of the men . Other factors may be at play as well. Those factors center around what has been happening to the human body, in this case males in modern times.

According to WedMD , as men age, they lose sexual potency. In fact about 74% of young men (59 years and younger) have no sexual issues at all. Only 10% of old men (men above 80) had no sexual problems.

Sexual companionship is the primary purpose for long term love relationship among humans -the type found in marriages. This is understood, but not verbalized, at least at the onset of marriage. Everything else that develops from the workings of this relationship is only associative, or even tangential to the relationship. That is why couples divorce after decades of marriage. They do so with or without the kids attaining adulthood, and after building huge business empires. Couples divorce when the core is not assured anymore. Love drives that core, but “love” is really a politically correct word for sex.

Young man, older wife
Young man with his older wife

If that were not the case, couples would never divorce. In fact a lot of couples remain best friends after divorce, making one to wonder why the divorce was necessary. While some divorce without being aware of existing effective solutions that save marriages.

Sex: The Inconvenient Truth

The reason a lot of women cannot explain why they really want divorce is because they fear being judged by society. If they shared their real reasons, they could be judged as vain and irresponsible. However there is nothing to be ashamed of about one’s true feelings as along as they are real and truthful. Women are getting less sex from their husbands – the men are getting more impotent as they age. Environmental pollution and poor diet are also aggravating the problem.

One couple have been together for 32 years and have been married for 25 of those years. The couple’s marriage is barely hanging by the thread because the woman has all but divorced her husband mentally. The couple still lives together with the children, but the man has decided to turn a blind eye to his wife’s sexual indiscretions. The man has little to no choice. The woman would divorce him in a heartbeat if he asked serious questions about her movements. He is however currently undergoing a treatment for erectile dysfunction. He now claims that the days of his wife’s philandering have been drastically reduced as a result

Closer Examination of Marriages

Data from WedMD on loss of sexual potency shows that between the age 40 to 49, only 4% of the men have erectile dysfunction. However by age 53 the figure jumps up, reaching 26% by age 59. Therefore, once a man clocks 50, the woman normally starts to notice and worry about her husband’s ability to meet up with her sexual needs. What this means is that a 35 to 50 year old woman should actually aim to marry a 20 to 30 year old today. This is in order to reasonably expect healthy sexual life well into her 60s -often the age by which most women choose to divorce. The challenge though is finding appropriate men who wouldn’t have sinister motives.

Cannon and Carey
Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey

In the past, it used to be a man’s role to seek out and to marry his choice of a woman, using whatever parameters that suited him. However, today, women play significant roles in initiating a marriage. In some instances the women orchestrate the whole process.

The sophisticated and modern humans evolved a symbiotic system of relationship. In it,  a man chooses a woman (or women) with whom to share a sexual relationship, and in return, the man provided for the woman. This process of “taking care” of a woman is usually by providing food, clothes and shelter in exchange for sexual gratification. When money became the primary medium of commercial exchange, it also became the means for paying for these sexual gratifications, often in form of gifts and general familial support. Women became “house wives” who stayed home to take care of things while the men worked. This model endured till the second world war when women had to work in the assembly lines that produced weapons needed for the war. After that, everything changed and women stayed in the work force.

Women of the Modern Economy

As the economy of the world continued to modernize and expand, it started to accommodate various social and demographic groups, particularly groups which never participated initially. The modern economy succeeded in creating a system which empowered almost as much women as men in many societies of the world. The general direction of this development is that women will continue to be empowered well into the future. As a result of this, roles -particularly those involving making sexual choices -became almost evenly split between the sexes.

The modern empowered women are also more cognizant of their personal needs and take better care of their bodies than in the past. As a result these women easily attract younger men.

The reality today is that most older women who initiate marriage are, like their male counterparts, also driven by the same things as far of the choice of a spouse is concerned. Such women first prep themselves, and then seek men who make their hearts skip a beat on regular bases. And, just as in the cases of old men marrying young women, fidelity is often the last consideration when these decisions are made.

A lot of women have chosen to ride this trend while it is still there, because such trends can change.


As mentioned earlier, choosing such path presents its own risk because some young men may use the older women and later dump them for younger ones. However, this doesn’t seem to deter the women who have decided to tow this path. Come to think of it though; if an empowered woman wants to marry, why marry a man who can barely hold an erection? She can have another whose erection keeps springing back after each round of sex … up to the 10th round.  It all really depends on how much a woman values sex. It is a personal choice which cannot be judged by a third party.

Obviously, more factors contribute to divorce than just sex, but when a woman cannot explain why she is leaving her husband of decades with a straight face, it may be time to take a second look at the inner workings of marriages.

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