No one ever walks down the aisle thinking they will be signing divorce papers several years later, but it’s a sad fact that is all too common. A recent Reddit post asked divorced users to share what the final straw was that ended their marriage. With more than 3,500 comments in the thread at time of this article’s publication, the answers given are both heartbreaking and infuriating.
Here are some of the responses that spoke to us, but you can read the rest of the thread here.
1. In sickness and in health. “She found out I was going blind after three years of marriage and that sort of broke what was left of a failing relationship. She was gone three months later. I had to stop driving and move to where I walk to work to stay employed. I look back at that time and am pretty amazed I didn’t lose my mind. It doesn’t upset me because she did me a favor. So much happier now. She was not the one and I’m glad she left. Life hasn’t been easy, exactly. But I don’t think it is for most people. But in retrospect, she freed me to become a better, more complete person.”
2. Nothing to gain. “My wife put on 170 pounds over 10 years. I never said anything and supported her attempts at weight loss. One day, I was trying on an old Steelers jersey that didn’t fit, because I had gained 15 pounds in 10 years. I said, ‘Well, I guess it’s time to buy a bigger jersey.’ Her response: ‘We’re not blowing money on a stupid jersey. You’ll just have to lose weight.'”
3. ‘Til death do us part. “The day after my father died (which happened to be Thanksgiving Day), my husband erased and reset my phone. Everything on it was gone: pictures of my dad with my daughter, pictures that only I had. He did it knowing that I had not backed up my phone and it wasn’t connected to the Cloud either. I had called him the worst person in the world because he had requested a month of leave to visit my terminally ill father, got the leave, then decided not to buy a ticket to come visit. That was the final straw.”
4. Too much scrutiny. When he handed me several spreadsheets outlining every time I stopped for a drink at McDonalds ($1) on my way to or from running errands across the city. He then took my bank ATM card and cut it up. I couldn’t handle living under a microscope anymore.
5. All at once. It’s really hard to think of an exact final straw. It was building up for many years. The day I realized I was truly done, he didn’t really do anything wrong. I just realized all of a sudden that I had no more feelings for him at all. It was both a relief after many years of debating it, and awkward because of the situation I realized that in, during a very rare episode of sex. It hit me very suddenly that I had zero feelings in any way for him; I truly just felt done. I kept that to myself in the moment, but that was the definitive ‘done’ moment.
6. No sympathy. “Called to tell him my mom had just died and he said ‘ok’ and nothing else.”
7. Not meant to be. “There was no final straw, we just slowly and painfully realized we were not with the right person.”
8. Unemployed and unmotivated. “He wouldn’t get a job. He would make a big show of looking for work, fill out applications, then stuff them in the car and never turn them in. Finding them in the car was the last straw.”
9. Drifted apart. “I don’t think there was really one thing. We moved to another country and I think she kind of found herself. I was really into settling. We were just two ships drifting past each other at a really slow pace. She still lives here and I help her. We left on good terms, thankfully. We both found it was best for us to be on our own and move on”
10. Different passions. “The very last one was probably when I was on a vacation (visiting my hometown) by myself because my ex hated traveling and did whatever he could to avoid it. I was hiking along a gorgeous river with two good friends, who are a couple, and watching them have so much fun together in nature. My ex hated being outdoors or doing anything involving exercise. I absolutely love both. When I saw my friends enjoying nature together, I felt so envious and I realized that would never be me and my significant other.”
11. Natural instincts. “I woke up from a nightmare around 4 a.m. on a Sunday morning having my first and only panic attack. I had horrible chest pain in my heart, covered in sweat, could not breathe from the immense pressure on my chest, and slid to floor in order to vomit. The attack stopped immediately. I have never had anxiety or depression, and I’m a very happy person generally. This panic attack was the signal it was time to leave him, after five years of crying myself to sleep after verbal abuse. My body rejected my marriage long before my mind, heart and soul could.”
12. Children at risk. “Him being cruel to my son (not his son, my son from a previous marriage). That’s something you can’t accept.”
13. Maternal instincts. “When my daughter asked me, ‘Mommy, why are you always sad?’ I could put up with the emotional abuse, the isolation, the accusations of infidelity, and the belittling. But I couldn’t hide it from my daughter, and she deserved better.”